Post by Deleted on Mar 25, 2019 3:44:32 GMT
AMBERFOX
Amberfox wasn't sure why he'd ended up here. But he had felt the need to take a break, from it all, and he thought that surely he was enough of a wallflower by now that no one would notice him slipping away for a day or two. What was more, surely no one would miss him while he was absent, for he rarely spoke to any of his Clanmates and when he did, he never said anything nice. The russet tom was aware of this because he chose his words so that they pushed others away; he had no desire to become closer to anyone and make himself vulnerable, not when he'd been rendered raw and vulnerable his entire life when Frostberry and Rookstep were still present in ShadowClan.
But sometimes he deeply wished he had the power to talk to someone, anyone. His mentor could only take so much interaction, and even if they explained patiently that they would always listen to Amberfox if he ever needed an ear Amberfox knew that there was a limit before he would start to come off as clingy or annoyed or possessive. There were too many days when he'd get wrapped up in his own thoughts, unable to shake off the building negativity within him.
The silence was becoming painful, and the rush of the waterfall before him thundered in his ears as he watched the water pour down onto the rocks. Slowly, he stood up and padded to the edge of the river, dipping his paws in, closing his eyes at the coolness on his skin. It was a feeling that momentarily washed the muddle out of his mind and for a moment, he felt that he could swim.
And then he remembered that he couldn't.
Still, he stood in the river, pretending that for a moment, the current was carrying him away, far from it all. It was possible to run away, to leave, and start a completely new life all by himself. But why in the name of StarClan would he do that? He stayed, for the same reasons he wished Frostberry and Rookstep and Rosetail had stayed. ShadowClan was the only thing he knew, and even if he was completely disconnected from it it was the only thing he loved. The concept of belonging was something that kept him anchored to the life he despised. It was a harsh paradoxical truth.
But sometimes he deeply wished he had the power to talk to someone, anyone. His mentor could only take so much interaction, and even if they explained patiently that they would always listen to Amberfox if he ever needed an ear Amberfox knew that there was a limit before he would start to come off as clingy or annoyed or possessive. There were too many days when he'd get wrapped up in his own thoughts, unable to shake off the building negativity within him.
The silence was becoming painful, and the rush of the waterfall before him thundered in his ears as he watched the water pour down onto the rocks. Slowly, he stood up and padded to the edge of the river, dipping his paws in, closing his eyes at the coolness on his skin. It was a feeling that momentarily washed the muddle out of his mind and for a moment, he felt that he could swim.
And then he remembered that he couldn't.
Still, he stood in the river, pretending that for a moment, the current was carrying him away, far from it all. It was possible to run away, to leave, and start a completely new life all by himself. But why in the name of StarClan would he do that? He stayed, for the same reasons he wished Frostberry and Rookstep and Rosetail had stayed. ShadowClan was the only thing he knew, and even if he was completely disconnected from it it was the only thing he loved. The concept of belonging was something that kept him anchored to the life he despised. It was a harsh paradoxical truth.
"what is a weed? a plant whose virtues have never been discovered."
Thorne | Fallowbird
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