She'd been stuck in denial for some time, confident that Owlpaw had merely been split from the clan during the blaze. For days she had masked her doubt, carrying herself in her typical confident and mature air as if he would one day return. Even after the announcement of his replacement for the deputy apprentice position, Newtpaw had stood strong. She hadn't accepted it. 

But it had been days now, and even some had admitted to witnessing him being lost and succumbing to the uncontrollable blaze. The leader apprentice had always been a vessel of flamboyancy that took up everything in stride, proving that she was deserving of her promotion and eager to take up future challenges head-on, no matter how difficult. But this...it had taken the wind out of her sails. At long last, the chocolate dappled adolescent had accepted the truth: Owlpaw, her cherished companion, her moon and stars, had been ripped away from her. And so ThunderClan had moved on, burying the sorrow of his death like they let everything else go, instead focusing on their ambitions against DarkClan and newfound loathing towards ShadowClan. 

But Newtpaw, she could not bury it. She had known and trained alongside the gray tom for countless moons, developing possessive behavior and what seemed like a dependency on his presence. She had felt as if they were an unstoppable duo, as if she'd be a worthy leader with Owlpaw there to help guide her during their long journey into powers. But now without him, she felt helpless. Newtpaw had no littermates- she had been a daddy's girl for as long as she could remember, until life had thrown her a curveball and her father perished under the cruel teeth of a fox. After that...Owlpaw had been her everything. Her best friend, her sense of calm, her rock, even her boyfriend. 

Sleep was hard to come by. Every moment she closed her eyes, she saw him- urging her to follow him into the forest to continue training, spending long nights with her beneath the stars...but recently, it had grown worse, turned into something twisted. She had spent long nights gripping her nest with her claws after awaking from nightmares, witnessing Owlpaw suffering in the fire and screaming out to her for name as he burned alive, with Newtpaw unable to reach him in time. It had been yet another one of those nights, one that had been the same as the last and the night before that, leaving Newtpaw without hope and the heavy sensation of loss. She had no energy to train, when she would normally greet Lynxstar at dawn, eager for their first lesson of the day. 

Life was no longer the same.
Life felt as if it was without purpose.